Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
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