I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
