Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
