i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
