Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
