WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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