my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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