Nicole vs. Life
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
