I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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