I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
