hotel room ftw
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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