I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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