Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
