so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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