Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize