wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
