Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
