Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
