I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
