the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
