which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
