masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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