I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
