you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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