so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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