He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
