Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
