I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
