I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
