Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
