When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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