I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
