my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
