a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
