I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Found your dick twin last night
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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