If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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