I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
