I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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