On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
