We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
