I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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