You just made me feel so damn special
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
