ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
