I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
