i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
