the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
