Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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