Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
