I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
