Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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