dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
