Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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