I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I think I just sharted jello shots
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