a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
