this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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