OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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