I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
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