Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You left your phone here
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