Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
