i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
