True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
