he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
