Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
