I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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