I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
