I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
