is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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