Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
