i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
