Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
