That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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