My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
