sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
