im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize