The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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