So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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