we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I woke up under a house in Key West
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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