What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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