I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
