Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
