I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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