No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
