:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
