this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
