every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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