This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
