i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
