This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
