she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
