I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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