That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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