I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
