well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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