so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
