Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Randomize
