do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
