he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
