I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
