dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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