The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Even my vagina gasped.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
