My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
