Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize