K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
can u get pink eye on your cock?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
